


Logan is unnatural

by forgetful_dortio



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Believe it or not I actually have a storyline for this, Eldritch, How Do I Tag, I should make a chapter about it lol, Non-Human Logic | Logan Sanders, friday night bake-offs gone wrong, its more like unnatural, or immortal, virgil is overthinking literally everything, whoops I spilled a loving platonic relationship into my fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29715234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetful_dortio/pseuds/forgetful_dortio
Summary: Logan is the embodiment of human curiosity. Hes been watching humanity for thousands of years. thats pretty much it. oh yeah, and its kind of hard to keep that kind of a thing secret when your three best friends live with you full time.(I have no idea what im doing but i think its a cool concept)
Relationships: Platonic LAMP
Comments: 31
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

Logan Sanders was, to put it in the best of words, an unnatural, omniscient being.

Now, of course none of his friends knew this. If only they knew, they’d run away screaming. And Logan didn’t want that. He held deep regards for them, even if he didn’t show it as much. 

It was quite confusing actually, almost poetic. The man that based his lifestyle around logic was secretly a thing that defied the very principles of logic. Logan had learned to work around that a while ago, simply coming to the conclusion that “there are some things that do not fit the category of logic”. It hurt his head when he tried to think about it, to be honest.

Of course, Logan  _ wanted  _ to be logical, oh, he wanted it  _ so badly _ . He wanted to be like his friends, to simply be human. He wanted to have to inhale to breathe, to blink, to follow the normal rhythm of life that flowed around him. He wanted to be a part of the thing he spent his life studying. But of course, from the moment he was created, he had to be one of the few things that  _ didn’t  _ make sense.

  
  


He should start at the beginning, actually. When he  _ really _ came into the big picture. He was, in a sense, born into the world when humans developed curiosity. He woke up slowly, over thousands of years, but by the time he realized that ‘ _ he was a thing, this is incredible! What am I?’ _ Humans had started to evolve into what they look more like today. 

Humans were  _ fascinating, _ they really were. Everything from their way of life to their own primitive forms of thinking and their compassion and their anger- oh it was mind numbing! 

After a bit of thinking (237 years, 5 months, 6 days 1.5 hours, 20 minutes and 5 seconds, to be exact) Logan had come to the conclusion that he was made for the humans. 

No, that wasn’t the right term. Perhaps, he was the embodiment of human curiosity, he was the  _ unknown _ , and he was here to help make sense of the  _ known _ . Honestly, even after pondering the question for so long he still got a headache thinking about it.

  
  


Anyways, back to the storyline. Logan was born, some might say he was born at the dawn of humanity, and he basically followed them around. Not in his true form, he would  _ never _ do that again, after that incident he had with a member of a nearby tribe. Rumors snowballed downhill and eventually he accidentally created a belief in the divine gods! As much as he knew humanity would come to ask that question of “where did it all come from?”, he hated the fact that he played a role in it. 

  
  
  
  


He would watch them, sometimes floating invisible, just above their soldiers, taking notes and watching their every move, trying to understand as much as he could. After a while, he realized he could make his own human form. It wasn’t real, of course. A cheap imitation of the real living things, but he blended in with the crowds easily enough.

  
  


Humans were a creature of habit, and yet they still found new ways to surprise Logan in the best of ways. When the lightbulb was created, Logan was absolutely  _ ecstatic  _ about it! Think of the new things they could accomplish now!

Of course, he had no one to share his excitement with, so he kept to himself, watching as humanity further delved into the mysteries of the great blue marble they called Earth. 

  
  


After a while, Logan has decided to settle down. He decided he wanted to go to college, to study Human Biology, maybe become a professor and teach it to others? He wasn’t quite sure, but it was a logical start to enroll in the course. 

So he rented a room in an apartment near the college in Florida. He technically didn’t  _ need _ to buy it, he doesn’t need to sleep or eat, but it feels nice. It makes him feel grounded.

The owner of the complex had said something about it being a four-person apartment, so he would have three new roommates. He was a little nervous about this, like any omniscient immortal being would be, but honestly what’s the worst that could go wrong? Exactly, Logan was just being paranoid. He would conduct simple small talk with them(in  _ english, don't forget that) _ , exchange contact information briefly, and pass each other in the living quarters. Simple as that. 

Who knows, maybe Logan would grow to enjoy their company?

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has come to my attention that I havent written fiction in forever and this is the first thing ive written in months. life is weird. anyways if it sucks thats why <3

_ -Three months later- _

  
  


Despite living for so long, Logan had never seen such  _ utter chaos _ that Friday night bake-offs had brought them.

It was Patton's idea to bring the four roommates together every Friday for baking cookies and watching Disney movies. Of course it was Patton's idea. To be fair, this was one of the more milder Friday night bake-offs that they had been blessed with, but it didn’t make this one any  _ less  _ chaotic.

  
  


Logan quickly assessed the situation they had gotten themselves into. Virgil was laying on the floor screaming along to MCR on the radio, surrounded by spare baking materials(mood). Roman was trying on different aprons in the window reflection, striking different ridiculous poses every few seconds. And Patton, oh dear Patton, was frantically taking burnt cookies out of the oven, and it looked like he was seconds away from having a complete meltdown.

He moved over to help Patton, as he was the one in need of help the most. Grabbing an oven mitt from off the table(even though he didn’t need it, his pain tolerance is much higher than any human), he took the pan of cookies from Patton and set them down on the stovetop. Turning off the oven heat, he turned around and did a once-over on Patton.

He was, well, not good. He looked incredibly stressed, flour was smeared on his face, glasses slightly astray, and he was apologizing profusely. 

“Oh fiddlesticks, I’m so sorry Logan! I thought I took those out a while ago, but now they’re burnt and Virgil and Roman aren’t having fun either and now Friday night is ruined it’s all my fault I’m so sor-“

“Patton, calm down.” He replied. “Your thoughts are spiraling and all it is doing is clouding your judgment. Take a deep breath for me.”

Patton inhaled and exhaled a few times before he started to calm down.

“Any better?” Logan asked.

“Thank you, Logan, much better.”

Patton turned around to address the other two, who were still in the room.

“Come on guys, we certainly made a mess didn't we! Let’s get this all cleaned up, and maybe we can break out the ice cream, or something.” 

Virgil gave a whine of annoyance and peeled himself off of the floor. Roman seemed to realize  _ oh wait, they need me to do things _ and got to work picking the utensils up off of the floor. Logan noted with amusement that the apron he had left on was bright blue and had ‘Mr. Good Lookin Is Cookin’ printed on the front.

Logan started on scraping the burnt cookie dough off of the pan. The satisfying crunch that the dough made, combined with the pleasant bickering between the other three friends and the warm kitchen air made for a great atmosphere. 

He relaxed as he listened to Virgil and Roman argue as to whether cereal  _ actually _ was a soup or if tumblr was wrong yet again.

“Logan, what’s your opinion on the matter?” Virgil asked.

Roman spoke up before him. “He obviously agrees with me in the fact that it’s just simply  _ not meant to be a cereal _ . No matter what definition you pull up, it will never be natural!” 

“Actually” Logan interrupted Roman, putting the cookie pan down to push his glasses up, “Soup is defined as a liquid food made by boiling or simmering meat, fish, or vegetables with various added ingredients. So no, cereal is, by definition, not a soup. Though I can see how the counter argument could be made.” 

Romans and Virgil both let out a synchronized ‘nerrrrrrd’ and started arguing over whether boiled cereal was still cereal. 

  
  
  


_ —— _

  
  


The kitchen had  _ finally  _ been cleaned up. Everyone got changed into their pajamas and sat in the living room. 

“It’s my turn for the movie choice!” Roman yelled from the kitchen as he was popping the popcorn. 

“Ugh, it’s  _ always _ your turn for movie night, let someone else have a turn!” Grumbled Virgil, whose face was buried underneath thousands of blankets.

“How about we just do the little mermaid?” Patton said. Everyone unanimously agreed, after all, it was  _ The Little Mermaid _ . Who would object to that?

Roman walked back into the living room carrying a few freshly popped bowls of popcorn, and handed them out accordingly to each person. Patton cued the movie up and everyone relaxed…..

  
  
  
  
  


…..well, everyone except for Virgil. 


	3. Chapter 3

Virgil was an anxious person. 

That had already been established between everyone. What most people failed to realize though, was that he was an anxious person who knew when he was being irrational. He listened to reason, and more often than not he could tell when he was spiraling. Right now, this wasn’t him being anxious.

From the moment Virgil had met Logan he always thought something was a little…..off. He couldn’t place his finger on it. Was it the way he walked? The fact that he  _ always  _ seemed to know what everyone was thinking? His extensive knowledge on more or less everything? For the longest time he couldn’t figure it out, until tonight.

  
  
  
  


Logan didn’t blink. 

  
  
  
  


Virgil hated the fact that it took him this long to figure out. He had never seen him blink. Normally, this would be something that wouldn’t cause concern for a person, maybe they do blink and Virgil was just being paranoid? But no, he had witnessed it firsthand. Through the entirety of The Little Mermaid, he had been sitting on the couch watching Logan like a hawk. Lo and behold, Logan hadn’t blinked  _ once.  _

He didn’t exactly know what to do with this information, and honestly, maybe it was none of his business. But while he held a close regard for the man, he still couldn’t get rid of that uneasiness that he felt when Logan stared at him.

Logan didn’t think that Virgil noticed his little stare sessions, but oh boy he knew. Being the most anxious person in the room usually means you’re the most vigilant to body language, he didn’t think his other roommates noticed Logan’s stares. Maybe this is a symptom of a much bigger problem? He’s not sure. But if suddenly bloody messages on bathroom mirrors or a creepy tape recorder were found, he absolutely knew how to suspect. 

Virgil pushed himself deeper into the couch and shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth. The movie was more or less wrapping up, Ursula had been defeated, and Ariel and Eric were gazing into each other’s eyes romantically. 

This information was certainly interesting, and he’d have to come back to it later. For now though, he just enjoyed the rest of the movie.

  
  
  
  
  


——-

  
  
  


Virgil was staring at Logan.

One of the many things that Logan was able to do was tell when something was looking at him. It was a great skill to have, and it had helped him out multiple times.

Another skill that Logan had was being able to vaguely tell someone’s intentions when doing something. When he sensed Virgil staring at him throughout the movie night, he had only felt curiosity coming from him, mixed with slight uneasiness. It confused Logan to no ends, but he could understand what it felt like to want to know, so he didn’t acknowledge Virgil's stares. 

Though, it did make him wonder what Virgil was curious about. He would have to ask him later, after the movie night setting- oh wait, he couldn’t ask him since humans couldn’t normally sense each other’s intentions. He’d have to bring it up in a different matter, oh well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil: yo Patton somethings up with Logan 
> 
> Patton: Ahahahah silly goose! Logan is fine!
> 
> Logan: *is emitting void particles*
> 
> Patton: see! He’s fine :D
> 
> Roman: exactly, padre’s right, Logan is perfectly fine
> 
> Logan: *starts growing a third eye*


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Incredible thanks to a close friend of mine(who can reveal themselves if they want) for helping me with the dialogue in this chapter. I suck at dialogue so this is as much their chapter as it is mine

Roman was sitting uncomfortably on a kitchen stool when Virgil had  _ finally  _ come downstairs and walked into the kitchen. 

Minutes prior, he had woken up to the sound of his phone being blown up by none other than Virgil himself. He said he had to talk to him and it was urgent, so he reluctantly got out of bed and waited in the kitchen for the emo to meet him there. Of course, it took said emo almost 15 minutes to get out of his room and come downstairs. 

“There you are, I’m assuming you got my texts?” Virgil asked.

“Mmmmrfghhbbblee” Was the only noise sleep-deprived Roman was capable of at the moment, pulling the blanket draped around him tighter. 

“Alright good. Sorry that it’s such a late hour but I had a revelation and needed to talk to someone.” Virgil looked up to meet Romans eyes. “Listen, Princy, I think somethings up with Logan.” 

And if it weren't for how serious Virgil looked, he would have laughed. Roman quickly sobered out of his sleepiness.

“Pfff, you’re worried about  _ Logan _ ? As in the certified nerd next door from our rooms?”

“No, listen, I’m serious!” He got up from the kitchen counter and started to pace the tile floor. 

“He  _ never _ blinks, Roman, did you know that? Trust me I watched him throughout the entirety of the movie last night, and he didn’t blink a single time! Not to mention the way he walks! He walks like someone glued splints to his legs permanently.”

“Woah there  _ compadre _ , you can’t go around attacking people for the way that they walk, maybe he’s got a disability, or it's a habit?”

“Fair enough, but what about the not blinking thing? Also, when’s the last time you’ve seen him  _ eat? _ Like, an actual meal. _ ” _

Roman suddenly stood a little taller in his chair, looking skeptically at Virgil.

“Say, this isn’t another one of your, er, ‘practical jokes’? Trying to make me believe that somethings up with Logan?”

Virgil pulled his hair in frustration. “Roman! I am not messing around, this is  _ serious _ !” He stopped pacing and sat back down on a stool facing Roman.

“Look, I love Logan as much as the next guy, he’s amazing and does so much for us, but there’s something bigger going on here, I’m telling you. Maybe I am just an anxious person and it’s all in my head, maybe not, but this all doesn’t sit well with me.”

“So you’re telling me that you think somethings wrong with Logarithm. A.K.A., the human calculator? Dude.”

“All I’m saying is that if someone suddenly disappears and there’s a suspicious amount of blood on him, we know who to suspect.”

“ _ VIRGIL.”  _ Roman scolded him. “That is not like him to kill one of us! Stop being all mopey and jumpy, it’s just good old Logan!”

“Sorry, but it’s kind of my  _ whole thing  _ to be mopey and jumpy around here. But enough with the insults, do you think we should do something about it?”

“Will it get you to stop talking about it? -sorry, that was rude of me”

Virgil sat up straighter in his chair and leaned back, fiddling with his hoodie strings. “Eh, don’t worry about it Princy, as long as it does damage  _ your _ ego we're all good here, right?” He said sarcastically.

“Wow. Rude.”

“Well anyways, in conclusion I think something is up and it’s bigger than both of us really know. Will you…..help me?” Virgil inwardly cringed, this was the worst part.

Roman seemed to consider the offer for a moment, before leaning forward. “Hmm, fine, but only to stop this worrying. What do you suggest?”

Virgil relaxed and leaned forward, as if both were telling a secret. “Thanks Princy. I think our first course of action would be to simply gather evidence. We can’t go grushing into battles without an idea of what the enemy has. If there really  _ is  _ something up with Logan, then we have to know what it is before we can confront him about it.” 

“Hold on, I appreciate the enthusiasm Hot Topic, but what makes you so sure he’s against us? For all we know, he’s literally just a normal dude.” 

“Eh, I like to be prepared. Better to be safe than sorry. But just lay low for a while, maybe we’ll have more of these late night meetings to discuss our next plan of action.”

Roman grumbled. “Mm yes, because I’m totally enjoying being woken up at only a time when the emos are up to discuss conspiracies against our roommate.”

“Alright, get some sleep Sir sing-a-lot”

“You too, my chemically imbalanced romance” Roman stood up with his blanket and made his way to the stairs.

Virgil stayed at the counter. Instead of getting up he pulled out his phone and started tapping.

Roman climbed the first few steps, but hesitated and turned back to Virgil.

“Hey Virg? We’re not gonna, I don’t know, hurt him or anything right? We aren’t gonna be too invasive?”

Virgil scoffed. “Of course, Roman. We’re not criminals.”

“Ok, just making sure…”

  
  
  
  


And Roman went back to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also known as: Roman and Virgil start a paranormal investigators club

**Author's Note:**

> if you see a typo, dont be afraid to call me out like the bastard gremlin no-beta writer that I am
> 
> (also have a good day <3)


End file.
